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A Revolution in Comic Verse

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Comic Verse

The Chief Defect of Gordon Brown

The chief defect of Gordon Brown,

Was failing to write debits down,

And so, to nobody’s surprise,

He loved to sign the PFIs.

And thus encouraged all his minions,

Signing up for multi millions,

To buy some hospitals and schools,

But never break his fiscal rules.

And so for ten years under Tony,

Not only was the war a phoney,

But economic augmentation,

Became the goal of every nation.

And here’s a really funny quirk,

A young man from the land of Bjork ,

(Which seems to be a very nice land),

Bought the frozen food chain, Iceland.

Then for reasons most absurd,

With not a cautionary word,

The funds of public bodies here,

(How did no-one think this queer?)

Saw interest rates more to their likings,

And sent our money to the Vikings.

But all that Glitnirs is not gold.

So now their assets must be sold.

And now the madness has unfolded,

The bankers have been lightly scolded,

But Gordon’s future’s looking sunny,

He’s bailed them out with our tax money,

So when he’s ousted by the mob,

He’ll doubtless get a cushy job,

At Royal Bank or Goldman Sachs,

Or maybe with some fiscal quacks.

To fill this monetary hole,

An extra tax on alcohol?

Ten new pence on income tax,

Might just cover up the cracks,

Perhaps some “Quantitative Easing”,

Another measure most unpleasing,

Or try some new financial trade off,

(Perhaps we should ask Bernard Madoff?)

Prudence does as Prudence is,

What woeful Economics his?

He loved the boom, but as booms must

It ended. Now the Country’s bust.

But the chief defect of Gordon B,

Was thinking two and two made three,

Which meant that far too much was spent,

And that’s the way with Government.

Breeding Pandas

The Giant Panda leads a life,

Of very little needing,

He very rarely takes a wife,

And doesn’t care for breeding.

Six billion people in the world,

But Pandas? Very few!

For while we’re making babies,

The Pandas chew bamboo.

Perhaps if Mr Panda,

Had a little Panda porn,

He could rise to the occasion,

And more Pandas would be born.

Global Warming – Aye Right

So here we are in flaming June,

With Global Warming “coming soon”,

It might be hotter overseas,

But here it’s barely ten degrees.

And scientists in mass hysteria,

(Excepting those from cold Siberia ),

Are warning daily of our folly,

Whilst flying to another “Jolly”.

But as they tell that all hope’s fading,

Some get rich through carbon trading.

Down in Englandshire it’s said,

That farmers thinking with their heads,

Everywhere are planting vines,

(Just like they did in olden times),

Queues for English wine are forming,

All because of Global Warming.

But here we are, it’s June in Scotland ,

A beautiful, but not a hot land,

For right here, in God’s own place,

(Where he put his special race),

Is where the good Lord keeps his clouds,

The envy of the land of Saud ,

To shroud the sacred land below,

Bounteous rainfall to bestow.

With hills and lochs for irrigation,

This Pictish land, this special Nation,

Protected daily from the sun,

Surely, now our time has come.

And so I say to every Scot,

Global Warming? Worry not,

For when the Earth is tinder dry,

The suns rays raging in the sky,

The world’s best climatologists,

Will all be hiding in our “mist”.

Economies will wane and fade,

With few commodities to trade,

But in this country, lush and green,

We’ll be richer than the queen,

Selling bottled H2O,

To all those countries down below.

Click this link to listen to

Ode to a Banker