Lord Sewel, Lord Sewel
You imprudent fool
I heard you took coke with a tart
I won’t knock it (or try it)
It sounds like a diet
Which prob’bly ain’t good for the heart.

I once drank some whisky
With a girl who was frisky
But she didn’t expect any dosh
I’d find it off putting
Sex bills that need footing
And that tingly permanganate wash.

But the moon’s a balloon
And you know, very soon
We will all have forgotten your name
Except for those sellers
Who serve naughty fellas
Drug pushers, and girls on the game.

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