{"id":19,"date":"2014-02-08T12:30:53","date_gmt":"2014-02-08T12:30:53","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.mulbert.com\/?p=19"},"modified":"2015-08-10T09:21:53","modified_gmt":"2015-08-10T09:21:53","slug":"warning","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.mulbert.com\/?p=19","title":{"rendered":"WARNING"},"content":{"rendered":"

(To Any Government Department Or Daft Think Tank \/ Research Buffoon Who Wants To Interfere With The Drinking Habits Of The Elderly).<\/em><\/p>\n

With apologies to Jenny Joseph.<\/em><\/p>\n

When I am an old man I shall drink cider
\nWith Calvados chasers to intensify the taste of apple
\nAnd I shall spend my pension (or wages) on tequila shots
\nAnd fine Bordeaux, and say bollocks to the government
\nAnd the Director of the Substance Misuse and Ageing Research Team
\nAt the University of GET A PROPER FUCKING JOB!<\/p>\n

When I am old I shall
\nVisit every distillery in the country using my free bus pass
\nGuzzling gratis samples until they chuck me out
\nWhereupon I will seek out the local breweries and vineyards
\nAnd do the same, until the purity of spirit in my veins
\nIs at least seventy per cent proof.<\/p>\n

I may start smoking marijuana in those large Rizzlas
\nOr scoring \u201cE\u201ds and Whizz\u201d from the local youf
\nOr chase the dragon, or go completely whacko
\nAnd once more enjoy the perils of tobacco.<\/p>\n

When I am an old man, if I feel lonely
\nCold or miserable, or just a little crappy
\nI may choose to drink myself to death
\nIf that\u2019s what makes me happy!<\/p>\n

\"Nothing<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

(To Any Government Department Or Daft Think Tank \/ Research Buffoon Who Wants To Interfere With The Drinking Habits Of The Elderly). With apologies to Jenny Joseph. When I am an old man I shall drink cider With Calvados chasers to intensify the taste of apple And I shall spend my pension (or wages) on … Continue reading WARNING<\/span> →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-19","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/s6zOwV-warning","jetpack-related-posts":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.mulbert.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/19","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.mulbert.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.mulbert.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.mulbert.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.mulbert.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=19"}],"version-history":[{"count":4,"href":"https:\/\/www.mulbert.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/19\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":64,"href":"https:\/\/www.mulbert.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/19\/revisions\/64"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.mulbert.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=19"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.mulbert.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=19"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.mulbert.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=19"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}