{"id":49,"date":"2015-08-09T21:59:08","date_gmt":"2015-08-09T21:59:08","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.mulbert.com\/?p=49"},"modified":"2015-08-10T16:38:24","modified_gmt":"2015-08-10T16:38:24","slug":"toasters-come-with-guarantees","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.mulbert.com\/?p=49","title":{"rendered":"Toasters Come With Guarantees"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>Toasters come with guarantees<br \/>\nLife with disappointment<br \/>\nGout may come with port and cheese<br \/>\nAnd casual sex with ointment<br \/>\nWine and whisky in excess<br \/>\nCan make a poor head throb<br \/>\nAnd zipping flies incautiously<br \/>\nMay cause a man to sob<br \/>\nNever eat the yellow snow<br \/>\nIt leaves a funny taste<br \/>\nAnd gormandising you should know<br \/>\nWill just expand your waist<br \/>\nAll things in moderation<br \/>\nEnjoy them while you can<br \/>\nChoose wisely your temptation<br \/>\nIf it&#8217;s subject to a ban<br \/>\nEnjoy your days upon this earth<br \/>\nThey may be all you get<br \/>\nSo claim your share of love and mirth<br \/>\nEndeavour not to fret<br \/>\nFor Death will get you in the end<br \/>\nWhatever&#8217;s on your table<br \/>\nAvoid the coffin road my friend<br \/>\nAs long as you are able.<\/p>\n<p><script async src=\"\/\/pagead2.googlesyndication.com\/pagead\/js\/adsbygoogle.js\"><\/script><br \/>\n<!-- Mulbert2 --><br \/>\n<ins class=\"adsbygoogle\"\n     style=\"display:inline-block;width:320px;height:100px\"\n     data-ad-client=\"ca-pub-6973823676579279\"\n     data-ad-slot=\"1326787183\"><\/ins><br \/>\n<script>\n(adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || []).push({});\n<\/script><br \/>\n________________________________________<\/p>\n<p><strong>Find more comic verse in cards, booklets and CD format at<\/strong><strong> <a href=\"http:\/\/www.printregister.com\/shop\">www.printregister.com<\/a><\/strong><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Toasters come with guarantees Life with disappointment Gout may come with port and cheese And casual sex with ointment Wine and whisky in excess Can make a poor head throb And zipping flies incautiously May cause a man to sob Never eat the yellow snow It leaves a funny taste And gormandising you should know &hellip; <a href=\"https:\/\/www.mulbert.com\/?p=49\" class=\"more-link\">Continue reading <span class=\"screen-reader-text\">Toasters Come With Guarantees<\/span> <span class=\"meta-nav\">&rarr;<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-49","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p6zOwV-N","jetpack-related-posts":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.mulbert.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/49","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.mulbert.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.mulbert.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.mulbert.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.mulbert.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=49"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/www.mulbert.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/49\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":68,"href":"https:\/\/www.mulbert.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/49\/revisions\/68"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.mulbert.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=49"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.mulbert.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=49"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.mulbert.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=49"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}