Toasters Come With Guarantees

Toasters come with guarantees
Life with disappointment
Gout may come with port and cheese
And casual sex with ointment
Wine and whisky in excess
Can make a poor head throb
And zipping flies incautiously
May cause a man to sob
Never eat the yellow snow
It leaves a funny taste
And gormandising you should know
Will just expand your waist
All things in moderation
Enjoy them while you can
Choose wisely your temptation
If it’s subject to a ban
Enjoy your days upon this earth
They may be all you get
So claim your share of love and mirth
Endeavour not to fret
For Death will get you in the end
Whatever’s on your table
Avoid the coffin road my friend
As long as you are able.


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